The Second Glass

There are many possessions and activities we consider luxurious.  Some spend their money on a different Mercedes for each day of the week, some buy yachts, and others drink a 21 year old single malt Scotch while flying to Paris in their private jet.  Though these things are all pretty cool, there is one act of exorbitance that is undeniably superior.  To truly exude opulence, extravagance, and just be a straight-up ‘baller,’ there is nothing more classy than hosing down unsuspecting legions of friends with sparkling wine.  So what do you do if, like the staff here at the Second Glass, you lack the opulence, but have a suspicion that somewhere inside you lurks a rock star trying to fire-bomb its way to the surface?  This is what we intend to find out.  For this article we gathered sparklers from around the world to find the best means with which to spray your friends, still have some to drink, and have some money left over for when they insist you pay their dry cleaning bill.

When spraying some bubbly, technique is of utmost importance. You can have the best spraying bottle in town, but if you don’t materialize with the spray you’re going to look like that drunk guy who just spilled wine everywhere. Don’t worry- proper technique is simple. Just pop the cork, then immediately cover the hole with your thumb, and shake vigorously while pointing the bottle at the people least likely to sue.  Now that you know what to do, let’s focus on logistics and budget.

The Contenders

If you’re trying to sharpshoot people from across the room with the cork, the Barefoot California “Champagne” has a killer cork distance to price ratio.  This $6 bottle is sour and undrinkable if you’re sober, but is that always relevant?  If you’re unconcerned, this bottle might just be the pick for you.  The spray lasted about 5 seconds and ranked 2nd in spray distance and cork distance, measuring 18’3” and 56’11” respectively.  Come to think of it, this might not be the safest bottle to pop while intoxicated.

The second bottle we tested was the Cristalino Cava.  This stuff costs $9 a bottle, tastes great, and retains an impressive 2/3 volume after the 7-second spray comes to an end.  While it wasn’t the most impressive spray or shot, this bottle will encourage both drinking and a wet t-shirt contest.

The surprise of the afternoon was the Mionetto Prosecco.  While the distance on the shot was the weakest of the day, the spray was clearly the most impressive, weighing in at a hefty 11 seconds.  But slaves as we all are to the law of Conservation of Mass and Energy, a monsoon spray will leave a scant 1/3 volume in the bottle. If you have multiple targets then this is the bottle for you, but you will wish there is more left when you taste this surprisingly good $11 prosecco.

Bringing the test circuit to a climactic end was the Charbaut & Fils Champagne.  We had our doubts, but Champagne definitely reigns supreme.  The cork flew like a bat out of hell, coming to a rest 78 feet and 10 inches from the launch site.  The spray went even further than the Barefoot with its last drop traveling an impressive 22 feet.  The great tragedy is that with the best tasting and most expensive bottle ($25), there was only 1/5 of the bottle left to drink.

You know the facts, so go out and apply what you’ve learned.  Remember, practice makes perfect.  Don’t be afraid to get creative with your sprays; try writing something on the ceiling.  Or, distract your friend with a dollar bill on the floor and when they bend over to pick it up, nail ‘em.   Your ‘Baller’ certificate is in the mail.