The Second Glass

At last year’s party you had a few too many chardonnays before the ball dropped and the only lasting impression you left was of how hard it was to step around your unconscious body in order to get to the bathroom.  This year that will all change.  After last year’s escapades you’ve had to make new friends and you’ve been given a blank canvas.  It’s time to start painting a portrait of how, for you, pimpin’ is in fact easy.  Your paint will be Champagne and the brush a sword.

Sabrage is an old practice that is rumored to have started when Napoleon’s officers would return home after laying the smack down.  They’d ride into their hometown on horseback and the townspeople would hand them a bottle of Champagne as a gesture of appreciation.  The officer, too busy riding a horse to fuss with the wire cage and popping the cork, would simply take out his saber and slice the head of the bottle off.  It was the mark of a 17th century badass.  You too can do this.

Take a very well chilled bottle of Champagne (about 45 degrees) and find one of the two seams that run the length of the body.  Remove all of the foil and loosen the muselet (wire basket around the cork). You will need a good-sized carving knife (or a saber if you happen to have one lying around) and coving your hands with a cloth towel or napkin is considered a smart idea.  Place the knife flat against the neck with the blunt end facing forward.  Next, forcefully slide the knife up the seam and follow through past the lip of the bottle.  The internal pressure (100 psi) should make the rim, with the cork still inside, sheer cleanly off.  Turn the bottle upright immediately and you shouldn’t lose any more than an ounce of wine.  In the end you’re left with some good wine and crowds of people waiting to see you do it again.          

Editor’s note and warning:  This method is considered dangerous. We do not recommend you try this so you can’t sue our broke asses. Please send any questions or comments to chris@thesecondglass.com.